Getting cross with your kids

Just a short post. I’m blogging on the bus on my iPhone. When the kids are cross or are whining and you respond by getting cross and whining…isn’t that a bit ridiculous? It’s even more ridiculous when they’re cranky because they’re tired and then you get extra cranky because you’re tired too!

When we’re feeling angry and we react at them because of how we’re feeling I guess that they’re feeling exactly the same way, which is why they’re misbehaving.

How can I expect my child to change a behaviour that I’m reflecting at them. Parenting has to be more thoughtful than this.

Oh, and by the way. I’m proud of my little man – check out his new blog harleylucas.com

You have to take time in order to have time

If you’ve seen the film, The Matrix Reloaded, you’ll remember Merovingian.  He was the program that spoke with a French accent and held the Keymaker captive.  He uses this one line in the flick that really stuck with me.  He says to Neo, “If you never take time, how can you ever have time”.

Of course, it’s not a strictly accurate  comment.  I mean, time goes by irrespective of what we do with it.  But I thought the comment really summed up well the concept of making time work for us.  Making sure we are not idle with our time, and that we are using the time we have in the way we want to use it.

I had a patient who had just retired from his long and successful career.  He lived in a big house overlooking a beautiful part of Sydney harbour.  Three months after he retired, his wife died.  He’d been planning to ‘live life’ with his wife after he had retired.  

He’d worked so many long hours over the years, that he was never home to read the kids bedtime stories, was always gone before the kids woke up.  The kids grew up, left home, moved cities, and got busy with their own lives. He didn’t know his kids.

So, now he lives alone in a huge house.

His only social activity was golf, which he played often after his wife died.  But then he hurt his back and couldn’t play golf.  He couldn’t hang out with his golfing buddies.  The doctor took some x-rays and gave him a bad prognosis.  He ended up with me as a last resort (as they often do).  

“Put me in a paddock and shoot me” were the words he used to describe his situation.  

At least I was able to help with his back and see him playing golf again – but I couldn’t help him with his kids.  And I thought to myself that I’d feel the pain of lost opportunity and lost contact with my children far worse than back pain.

So, I hugged my kids a little tighter that night and made sure I read to them.  I determined to create a life which allowed me to ‘take time’ with my kids so that I could look back and know that I had time with them and reap the benefits of the relationships that are built by taking the time to build them.

Contentment and Ambition

Ambition.  

So many of us are chasing something we don’t already have.  It’s fun.  It’s exciting.  It’s interesting.

My kids are like this; so ambition starts young.

We look around at what we have and we say, “well, I’ve got this, and I’ve got this…but I really want that and that”

I see a potential problem with ambition, and that’s when we forget about ‘this’ and only want ‘that’.  We risk ‘this’ so that we can get ‘that’.  It may pay off, and we may end up with both ‘this’ and ‘that’…but we could end up with nothing.

In relation to kids and family, ‘this’ is often defined as ‘time with kids’ and ‘that’ is defined as ‘more money’.  It’s a real pity if we risk ‘time with kids’ for ‘more money’, especially if we don’t end up with either.

Of course, some circumstances dictate that we give up time with could spend with our kids in order to earn or create more money.  But I’m not talking about those circumstances in this post – I’m talking about ambition for ‘more’.

I’ve risked ‘this’ for ‘that’.  I’ve given up some time with my kids for more money – and look at money…gone in a puff.  Gone before you can say “Wall St Pain”.

I guess it’s important to work out which bits of ‘this’ (the things you’ve already got), just aren’t worth sacrificing for ‘that’ (the things you want).  

It’s better to end up still having ‘this and this’, than to chase after ‘that and that’ and end up with neither ‘this nor that’.  My risk management protocol isnow  based on the fact that I want ‘this’ and ‘that’.

I guess what this post really touches on is how we live with contentment as well as ambition?  I wonder how we teach our kids about this?

I was talking to my son about being a ‘good sport’; having the ambition to go for ‘first’ but also being content with ‘not being first’.  Difficult to have these two ideas bouncing around in a child’s mind – and an adult’s for that matter.  

I’m off to listen to some Jack Johnson with my kids before bed.

Warmly,

Nic

Family 24/7

My son was born on the 24th of July – otherwise known as 24/7.  And it’s been 24/7 ever since, in reference to another meaning of this abbreviation.  

A few years later, I had the opportunity to assist in the deliverity of my daughter and so helped guide her into the world – something I can recommend to all fathers if they get the chance.

When it comes to my kids, I aim to be a father first – and have a career second.  I try to involve them in everything I do – so that my work also becomes education and stimulation for them.

My kids a great kids – they do some amazing things – and are teaching me some great lessons – all of which is worth blogging about.  See you soon